Contemplating my journey

Here I am sitting in Chiang Mai. I really believe I have found what i am looking for. Incredibly, all the fear and all the doubt still rears its ugly head. However, in one week I am learning more about myself than ever in my life. Truly amazing.

All through my kung fu and taiji training, one of the things that has held me back is getting bad headaches after training. I am always asking myself, should I push through it, or back off. It seems that backing off has yielding nothing, so herein lies my next choice. I am going to push through it. This is the only surefire way to know. I mean, to really know. Not someone just telling me, oh yeah this is good or that is good.

I went through three rounds of headaches the other day doing my iron robe training. But to be honest, it was the best damn massage i ever had. Hurt like a bitch, but loosening the hell out of me.

I meditated twice today and will again later. In between I stood in Wu ji stance until i fell down. I stand by my personal maxim that the only real truth is found in humility.

I've chosen the hard road this time, but its working. I am getting the results I asked for, like it or not.